The Pizza Man

One of our best posts ever was a post about pizza delivery people. Of course, we didn't write that post, we just cobbled together bits from an article about pizza delivery persons in City Pages. We're much too lazy to link to our old post, but we will link to this new post at City Pages written by a man (presumably) called the Pizza Man or something.
Funny shit.
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So I take this order over to XXXX Cheapskate Avenue last night. It's a couple of pies and some beverages. The total comes to $38 even.

I walk up the steps, ring the bell, knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again.

A metrosexual guy dressed in a white, untucked button-up shirt and baggy jeans with gel in his hair appears on the other side of the glass. (If you want to know what kind of guy I'm talking about, hang out in front of Rosen's on a Friday night.) He's talking on his cell. He looks at me and holds up his index finger.

"It's just the pizza guy," he says and keeps talking.

I wait for a minute or two (or forever) and finally he comes to the door.

"Hey there, guy," he says. (I hate being called "guy.")

"That'll be $38, please."

"Uh, yeah, here."

He hands me exactly $38. I hand him the pizzas.

"Was there something wrong?" I ask.

"No. Why?"

"Because people usually tip..." I begin.

"Oh yeah...here. Have a day."

He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a dollar bill, flips it toward me and shuts the door.

I grab the dollar in midair and look at it.

"Thanks a fuckin' lot, pal," I say to no one.

I get in the car, still clutching the dollar.


What a slap in the face, what an asshole.

"Have a day"? What the fuck?

The weird thing is, this was the second man of the night who wore that exact outfit and tipped poorly. The other guy even said, "Have a day," as well.

What's up with these fuckers? Is there some kind of club where everybody dresses the same, tips badly, and says, "Have a day"?

I sure as shit hope not.

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