Hang On, Sloopy

It's August, summer of 2009. As Dylan once wrote, He who is not busy being born is busy dying. So we add Michael Jackson and Edward Kennedy to the butcher's bill. First black president is in office. A cool summer. Detached from nearly all pop music. Still overeducated and often excessively lazy.

-littleboxes staff

Activity

Activity killed the cat, Activity killed the cat
The cat wasn't curious, he was simply out shape
Simply out shape, simply out of shape
The cat wasn't curious, he was simply out of shape

Protest T-shirt

Apparently we've missed the whole protest t-shirt movement. You know, the movement about the protest t-shirts. Please wait a few more months while the drugs wear off...

I'm younger than that now

Twilight on the frozen lake
North wind about to break
On footprints in the snow
Silence down below.

You're beautiful beyond words
You're beautiful to me
You can make me cry
Never say goodbye.

Time is all I have to give
You can have it if you choose
With me you can live
Never say goodbye.

My dreams are made of iron and steel
With a big bouquet
Of roses hanging down
From the heavens to the ground.

The crashing waves roll over me
As I stand upon the sand
Wait for you to come
And grab hold of my hand.

Metered Parking

Littleboxes: President Bush traded ideas with the non-partisan Iraq think-tank group thing. Do you think this was a one-for-one thing or is the President of the United States able to secure better terms of trade? Perhaps a 2-for-1 deal, the Prez gets 2, James Baker and company get one. This seems fair as we want our president to have as many ideas as possible. Right?

The PANDA: What nonsense. First off, are these good ideas? Two-for-one sounds good until we find out that James Baker is trading his hair care secrets for nuclear codes.

Littleboxes: Want to get a cigarette?

The PANDA: I don't smoke.

Littleboxes: We used to smoke, now we only buy.

The PANDA: Certainly, support those tobacco companies.

Littleboxes: Actually, we're trying to keep those sin tax revenues at a reasonable level. You know, support our troops.



The PANDA: Is there a best way to support our troops or does each individual have their own best way of supporting the troops.

Littleboxes: The best way is to buy cigarettes, pay the sin tax and then send cigs to Iraq and Afghanistan.

The PANDA: What about the troops in Europe and Korea? Why not send cigs to them?

Littleboxes: We feel that troops in Europe and Korea don't love America as much as troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The PANDA: Does this apply for any other jobs? Do Janitors love America less than gas station attendants in Oregon (full service, by the way).

Littleboxes: Full service in Oregon? No way.

The PANDA: Yes way. Totally way. Fill er up, young man, or young lady.

Littleboxes: Indeed. Do you tip them?

The PANDA: I'm not sure. I never did but I felt weird. I really don't know the proper manners.

Littleboxes: Did they clean your windshield or anything?

The PANDA: No, no windshield cleaning.

Littleboxes: Well, then we wouldn't think you'd tip someone if they didn't clean your windshield.

The PANDA: I'm not sure it was dirty. Wouldn't a useless windshield cleaning just scream desperation and warrant a no tip?

Littleboxes: No, a windshield cleaning is always necessary. Plus it sucks to clean windshields, dude.

The PANDA: Yeah, I hate cleaning my windshield.

Littleboxes: But the clean windshield is essential for safe driving. And more people die on the road each year than die inside due to unclean conditions.

The PANDA: What are you talking about?

Littleboxes: We're saying that the Oregon gas station people clearly save more lives than the janitors of the world because they clean windshields and this is more essential than toilet cleaning or floor cleaning.

The PANDA: But they didn't clean my windshield.

Littleboxes: Fuck you, Panda.

ah hell

Try to Make You...Understand

what could possibly be more productive than an afternoon trolling the McSweeney's website?

Well, we could list those things that are more productive, but speaking of lists, McSweeney's has lists.

Here's a sample of some lists includiing elements of those lists.

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Five Things Rick Astley is Never Gonna Do

Give you up.

Let you down.

Run around.

Desert you.

Touch you inappropriately.

*********
Toddler T-shirt Slogans

ACCEPTABLE

Ask me about the C-section.

More of a tit man, thanks.

Still pissed about missing the millennium.

I buried my heart at Legoland.

Waiting for Godot.

Don't let Tony Danza touch me.

Stop the war. Already.

Stunt double for Katie Holmes's baby.


UNACCEPTABLE

Property of Child and Family Services

Glad those stairs were carpeted.

Slap me if you love Jesus.

Not quite getting this whole "MILF" phenomenon.

I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the horn spake: I beheld even till the beast was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to the burning flame.

Daddy didn't want me.

Ask me about the extra digit.

Grandma won't shut up.

**********
COMEBACK T-SHIRTS FOR "I'M WITH STUPID" T-SHIRTS


The "With" Is a Typo

Finger Actually Pointing to Person Next to Me

Your High Standards Set an Example for Us All

Only Because "I'm With Sexy" Cost More

If Not for That Shirt, He'd Never Read

And Clearly Proud of It

I'm Rubber, You're Glue, Everything You Say [CONTINUED ON BACK]

Just Until "I'm With Genius" Shirt Back From Dry Cleaner

I Lost the Bet

That Aren't True



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SEE MORE LISTS