Monday, November 13, 2006

Metered Parking

Littleboxes: President Bush traded ideas with the non-partisan Iraq think-tank group thing. Do you think this was a one-for-one thing or is the President of the United States able to secure better terms of trade? Perhaps a 2-for-1 deal, the Prez gets 2, James Baker and company get one. This seems fair as we want our president to have as many ideas as possible. Right?

The PANDA: What nonsense. First off, are these good ideas? Two-for-one sounds good until we find out that James Baker is trading his hair care secrets for nuclear codes.

Littleboxes: Want to get a cigarette?

The PANDA: I don't smoke.

Littleboxes: We used to smoke, now we only buy.

The PANDA: Certainly, support those tobacco companies.

Littleboxes: Actually, we're trying to keep those sin tax revenues at a reasonable level. You know, support our troops.

The PANDA: Is there a best way to support our troops or does each individual have their own best way of supporting the troops.

Littleboxes: The best way is to buy cigarettes, pay the sin tax and then send cigs to Iraq and Afghanistan.

The PANDA: What about the troops in Europe and Korea? Why not send cigs to them?

Littleboxes: We feel that troops in Europe and Korea don't love America as much as troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The PANDA: Does this apply for any other jobs? Do Janitors love America less than gas station attendants in Oregon (full service, by the way).

Littleboxes: Full service in Oregon? No way.

The PANDA: Yes way. Totally way. Fill er up, young man, or young lady.

Littleboxes: Indeed. Do you tip them?

The PANDA: I'm not sure. I never did but I felt weird. I really don't know the proper manners.

Littleboxes: Did they clean your windshield or anything?

The PANDA: No, no windshield cleaning.

Littleboxes: Well, then we wouldn't think you'd tip someone if they didn't clean your windshield.

The PANDA: I'm not sure it was dirty. Wouldn't a useless windshield cleaning just scream desperation and warrant a no tip?

Littleboxes: No, a windshield cleaning is always necessary. Plus it sucks to clean windshields, dude.

The PANDA: Yeah, I hate cleaning my windshield.

Littleboxes: But the clean windshield is essential for safe driving. And more people die on the road each year than die inside due to unclean conditions.

The PANDA: What are you talking about?

Littleboxes: We're saying that the Oregon gas station people clearly save more lives than the janitors of the world because they clean windshields and this is more essential than toilet cleaning or floor cleaning.

The PANDA: But they didn't clean my windshield.

Littleboxes: Fuck you, Panda.


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