Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Small Children

Here we are with more proof that everything good is stolen. We found this picture on another blog. Notice the little girl directly in front of Cheney...then notice the VPs crotch-tastic reaction to little girl.

OK, so we've assumed an answer to what came first, the girl or the gigantic, enlarged phallus, but the VP looks to be hung like a Russian plow horse.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Revolution Blues

Read how the AP completely understates a voting machine mistake in Ohio:

Ohio essentially decided the outcome of the presidential race, with Kerry giving up after unofficial results showed Bush with a 136,000-vote lead in the state.

Since then, there have been demands for a recount and complaints about uncounted punch-card votes, disqualified provisional ballots and a ballot-machine error that gave hundreds of extra votes to Bush.


Other critics have seized on an error in an electronic voting system that gave Bush 3,893 extra votes in a suburban Columbus precinct where only 638 people voted. The extra votes are part of the unofficial tally.

HUNDREDS OF VOTES? Well, they are technically correct, but good lord. You read just the first few paragraphs of the article and you're like, god damn democrats, a couple hundred votes, big deal. But, over 3,000 extra votes when only 638 people voted (for Bush, Kerry and other candidates!). The machines gave much over 100 times the number of votes he should have received.

Now, this does not mean that the election was stolen or anything, but we think it is definitely a good exercise to count all the votes in Ohio and other states, to at the very least examine the problems associated with voting. Of course the main problem with voting is that all these fucking idiots get to vote.


Hey Kid, when you're done playing chess, you gotta go count those votes again, but not before you take out the trash and do your homework.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel

Crazy ass people running this country. Read this! Here's a bit:
Here's a great quote from this Time Magazine article on a
faith-based initiative for our national parks:

“For years,” author Tom Vail explains, “as a Colorado River guide, I told people how the Grand Canyon was formed over the evolutionary time span of millions of years. Then I met the Lord. Now I have a different view of the Canyon, which according to a biblical time scale, can’t possibly be more than a few thousand years old.”

By the way, real geologists place the canyon’s age at around six million years.

So why does this matter? Vail's book, “Grand Canyon, a Different View,” which claims that the canyon was formed 4,500 years ago by Noah's flood, is being sold at the official Grand Canyon bookstore. Despite numerous complaints by respected geologists, the National Park Service hasn't pulled it from the shelves. From the article: "Even more troubling, Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER) charges that Grand Canyon National Park no longer offers an official estimate of the age of the canyon."


LA Times has a story on National Guard troops currently in training to be sent to Iraq. They are complaining about their lack of training. Here's a bit of the article:

The soldiers at Doña Ana emphasized their support for the war in Iraq. "In fact, a lot of us would rather go now rather than stay here," said one, a specialist and six-year National Guard veteran who works as a security guard in his civilian life in Southern California.

The soldiers also said they were risking courts-martial or other punishment by speaking publicly about their situation. But Staff Sgt. Lorenzo Dominguez, 45, one of the soldiers who allowed his identity to be revealed, said he feared that if nothing changed, men in his platoon would be killed in Iraq.

Dominguez is a father of two — including a 13-month-old son named Reagan, after the former president — and an employee of a mortgage bank in Alta Loma, Calif. A senior squad leader of his platoon, Dominguez said he had been in the National Guard for 20 years.

"Some of us are going to die there, and some of us are going to die unnecessarily because of the lack of training," he said. "So I don't care. Let them court-martial me. I want the American public to know what is going on. My men are guilty of one thing: volunteering to serve their country. And we are at the end of our rope."
In other news, here's a bit of prose from Joseph Heller:

Colonel Cargill, General Peckem's troubleshooter, was a forceful, ruddy man. Before the war he had been an alert, hard-hitting, aggressive marketing executive. He was a very bad marketing executive. Colonel Cargill was so awful a marketing executive that his services were much sought after by firms eager to establish losses for tax purposes. Throughout the civilized world, from Battery Park to Fulton Street, he was known as a dependable man for a fast tax write-off. His prices were high, for failure often did not come easily. He had to start at the top and work his way down, and with sympathetic friends in Washington, losing money was no simple matter. It took months of hard work and careful misplanning. A person misplaced, disorganized, miscalculated, overlooked everything and opened every loophole, and just when he thought he had it made, the government gave him a lake or a forest or an oilfield and spoiled everything. Even with such handicaps, Colonel Cargill could be relied on to run the most prosperous enterprise into the ground. He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. (Catch-22)

Once you're gone, you can't come back.

Seven Curses: (listen)

Old Reilly stole a stallion
But they caught him and they brought him back
And they laid him down on the jailhouse ground
With an iron chain around his neck.

Old Reilly's daughter got a message
That her father was goin' to hang.
She rode by night and came by morning
With gold and silver in her hand.

When the judge he saw Reilly's daughter
His old eyes deepened in his head,
Sayin', "Gold will never free your father,
The price, my dear, is you instead."

"Oh I'm as good as dead," cried Reilly,
"It's only you that he does crave
And my skin will surely crawl if he touches you at all.
Get on your horse and ride away."

"Oh father you will surely die
If I don't take the chance to try
And pay the price and not take your advice.
For that reason I will have to stay."

The gallows shadows shook the evening,
In the night a hound dog bayed,
In the night the grounds were groanin',
In the night the price was paid.

The next mornin' she had awoken
To know that the judge had never spoken.
She saw that hangin' branch a-bendin',
She saw her father's body broken.

These be seven curses on a judge so cruel:
That one doctor will not save him,
That two healers will not heal him,
That three eyes will not see him.

That four ears will not hear him,
That five walls will not hide him,
That six diggers will not bury him
And that seven deaths shall never kill him.

Copyright © 1963; renewed 1991 Special Rider Music

Monday, November 22, 2004

My voice is my passport, verify me

Respectful of Otters has a nice column on the backdoor draft.

The reporter who saw the shooting of the unarmed insurgent writes about it on his blog.

Meanwhile in Iraq, shit continues to hit the fan. But, some will argue, that we are in a war and thus, shit is expected to happen. Of course, this all means we should focus on happy thoughts about the war. Happy thoughts...happy thoughts...

That is a U.S. tank on fire in the picture above.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Toot Toot, Beep Beep

first picture from our staff retreat in dodge city.

Actually, that was a lie.
However, below you will find the actual caption for this picture. Weird!

A British hooligan in the streets of Belgium. The typical Briton is polite, witty and phlegmatic, but lacks a certain style and has a dental hygiene issue while having an occasional drinking problem(AFP/EPA/File)

see for yourself

Friday, November 19, 2004

Jesus is tapping your phone calls

Yes, that is right, Jesus is tapping your phone calls. Buddha is reading your diary and he watches you inside your room.

So why do you worry about the government and the FBI scanning your screen? So what are you, buddy? A commie or green? And why do you mistrust the government?

-above is completely ripped off from The Fugs song "Government Survelliance Yodel."

Jesus (I mean, President Bush) is also tapping that ass!

The Washington Post had an article today about why Bush kisses his female appointees and not his male appointees. Thanks for the waste of ink, bastards. Let's write about Bush's view on gender issues in the context of kissing cabinet appointees instead of in the context of possible supreme appointments or his appointment of a man who views the birth control pill as murder as the head of reproductive health at the FDA.

We'll say it again.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Question of the Day

We here at littleboxes were thinking about politicians. One of our staff mentioned Tom Delay and how he probably dyes his hair. Ex-Pres, Ex-living Ronald Reagan also dyed his hair. The question is: how far do these guys go?

Q: Did Ronald Reagan also dye his pubic hair?

Condi whispers the answer the George W. Bush.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Berry Citrus

Phew. We here at littleboxes needed a little time to ourselves. The staff was a bit too tightly wound as of late. Mitch would not stop chewing on his watch and Mickey would not leave well enough alone (you know how that goes). So, we all packed our bags, left our families (those of us who still have families--adds Bjorn, from our Product Placement Division), and headed to, of all places, Dodge City, Kansas for our very first staff retreat.

Bjorn took a shitload of pics (most of them with some corporate logo almost too obvioulsy in focus yet not in the center of the picture). However, the dumb bastard lost his digital camera to Mickey in some illegal sports betting scheme. And, given office politics, no one wants to ask Mickey for the camera, let alone any of the pictures.

Meanwhile, we return to the office to find it in complete disarray. Trash everywhere and god knows what that was on the all the keyboards. Jan is convinced Reginald (our former HTML expert who, if you remember, had to leave work following an unfortunate incident with a squirrel) is at fault given his bad feelings toward her and, in particular, Tammy. But, most of us feel, given both the severity and embarrasing nature of his squirrel-related injuries, that Reginald is not capable of this kind of undertaking.

Some of us feel it's an inside job, some have even blamed this nameless narrator. You see, back when littleboxes was strictly a mail order operation, the job of narrator was briefly eliminated in a rash experiment by the editorial board. After several issues went out filled with blank pages (no narrator!) and reader interest waned (but only slightly) it was decided that the narrator should return. Some feel that this nameless narrator has held a grudge ever since this unfortunate incident. Well, it's best that the respective lawyers are contacted and clients be advised of rights before this goes any further.

We had a wonderful time in Dodge City, Kansas. The hotel was nice and their was no room service. --THE END

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Tom Tomorrow said it before we did but we'll say it anyway

Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.