Friday, May 26, 2006

Good Lord, that's heavy

And we quote:

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says he has leg-pressed 2,000 pounds, but some say he'd be in a pretty tough spot if he tried.

The "700 Club" host's feat of strength is recounted on the Web site of his Christian Broadcasting Network, in a posting headlined "How Pat Robertson Leg Pressed 2,000 Pounds."

Then they add this little nugget:

According to the CBN Web site, Robertson worked his way up to lifting a ton with the help of his physician, who is not named.

Hello? His god damn doctor is Jesus, obviously.

"Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time?" Travis asked.

Are you saying that the man who turned water into wine can't find a machine that holds 2,000 pounds?

One of the photos Vasko released had a digital date stamp of 1994, although she said Robertson performed the leg press in 2003. Vasko said that perhaps the date was not set properly on the camera.

Hey, the answering machine in our office always thinks it's Sunday at 1pm.

The Story

Inbetween leg presses, Pat managed to interview David Horowitz author of a new book called The Professors: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America.

Full interview here

A nice quote from Horowitz:
I estimate that there are 50,000 to 60,000 radical professors who want the terrorists to win and us to lose the war on terror. They regard the terrorists as freedom fighters and America is an imperialist power that oppresses third-world people, and we are the root cause of the attacks on us.
That is because the left got a blacklist in place 20 years ago. It is ruthless and will exclude libertarians and believing Christians and, of course, conservatives, generally. It has been in place 20-25 years. So there is just a dwindling number of conservatives left on the faculties.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Glass of Wine in Her Hand

Here's a headline ripped from the front page of the internet

Study: Most young kids glued to the TV

Apparently kids are watching the television:

Eight in 10 of the nation's youngest children — babies up to age 6 — watch TV, play video games or use the computer for about two hours on a typical day. A third live in homes where the TV is on most of the time.

The results are horrifying:

Another mother told Kaiser she stopped watching "ER" reruns when her preschooler tried to give her little brother CPR.

"What is the impact on little kids of watching shows like 'CSI' or 'ER'?" asked Rideout. "I don't think we know the answer to that. I don't know that people really realized that kind of viewing was going on to the degree I think it is."

Cleary, the elephant in the room on this one is the whole poltergeist issue. With this many kids watching television something spooky involving the spirit world is bound to happen.

An informal poll of the littleboxes staff suggests that at least 1 in 5 children is likely living right on top of a Native American burial ground. Combine that with your 8 in 10 kids watching two hours of TV and you've got yourself a major problem.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


Actual caption on this picture:
Unidentified guests arrive for the world premiere of U.S. director Ron Howard's out of competition film 'The Da Vinci Code' at the 59th Cannes Film Festival May 17, 2006.

1) Ass cheeks usually go unidentified
2) Maybe if they took a picture of her face they might realize who it is.


We are so depressed. As many of you know, it really sucks when you get sick. Just awful. Although we've found it doesn't really impact the first 12 hours of our day that much. We all still take an afternoon nap and have our 3pm coke snort right on schedule. It seriously hampers going out at night though. Bummer.

What sucks even worse than being sick though is when your customer gets sick. Some of you aren't wealthy enough to have a customer. Relax, if you work hard, your great grand children might be that wealthy! Actually, probably not. Blame your lazy ancestors for not making the proper investments.

But anyway, customer sick = problems. One of us was actually forced to buy something from a drug store the other day. We made her take a shower as soon as she got back. Can you imagine all the common germs that are in a drug store? Actually, you probably can because you have them. Silly us.

It really sucks buying stuff for yourself. Mingling with the common folk is kinda interesting when you're in your teens but it is so 1996.

And the god damn indignity of having to actually count your money and worry about change. We couldn't give a shit about change but it draws too much attention when you pay with a C-note and just walk away. "Excuse me, sir? What about your change?"

As much as we don't care about the change, we certainly don't think the lazy check out bitch should get the money. Girl needs to learn a little self-reliance.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Fishing Hole

When you walk through the garden
you gotta watch your back
well I beg your pardon
walk the straight and narrow track
if you walk with Jesus
he's gonna save your soul
you gotta keep the devil
way down in the hole
he's got the fire and the fury
at his command
well you don't have to worry
if you hold on to Jesus's hand
we'll all be safe from Satan
when the thunder rolls
just gotta help me keep the devil
way down in the hole
All the angels sing about Jesus's mighty sword
and they'll shield you with their wings
and keep you close to the lord
don't pay heed to temptation
for his hands are so cold
you gotta help me keep the devil
way down in the hole