Thursday, October 27, 2005

Did It Have To Be That Guy?

As idle sons and daughters of the independently wealthy we've been known to partake in the consumption of a rather wide assortment of illicit drugs. You name it, we've taken it. We're also certain that if some of our wealth-challenged readers have not heard of it, we've definitely taken it. There really is no greater pleasure than partaking in activities that are only known to our select group.

There is always talk about medical marijuana and to a lesser extent (unless you are on a college campus) talk of legalizing marijuana. Frankly, we don't give a damn. We are so well connected, and we do mean to rub it in, that it's almost as if the damn stuff is legal. What are you going to do, arrest us? Please.

Yet, we do feel tiny pangs of sympathy in our hearts for our relatively less wealthy friends who do, indeed, take on some risks while consuming their rather low-grade versions of the magical herb. We wouldn't really call these "people" our friends, but it certainly ups one's sensitivity quotient when one can be seen to rather deftly interact with persons across at a least a few of the social spectrums.

So, it saddens our hearts to see articles discussing the benefits of marijuana accompanied by pictures of this sort:

The caption reads something like "Man smokes a marijuana cigarette at a protest in Toronto." People, this man has green hair. Movie star Matthew McConaughey is known to smoke a doobie. Why not accompany the article with this picture?

Editor's note: We apologize for the lack of recent posts. Motivation is such an intermittent flame. And, of course, no one expects literally everyone in the office to come down with the same mysteriously itchy STD within the same week. We have to start inviting a wider collection of people to our parties.

Friday, October 14, 2005

The Pizza Man

One of our best posts ever was a post about pizza delivery people. Of course, we didn't write that post, we just cobbled together bits from an article about pizza delivery persons in City Pages. We're much too lazy to link to our old post, but we will link to this new post at City Pages written by a man (presumably) called the Pizza Man or something.
Funny shit.
So I take this order over to XXXX Cheapskate Avenue last night. It's a couple of pies and some beverages. The total comes to $38 even.

I walk up the steps, ring the bell, knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again.

A metrosexual guy dressed in a white, untucked button-up shirt and baggy jeans with gel in his hair appears on the other side of the glass. (If you want to know what kind of guy I'm talking about, hang out in front of Rosen's on a Friday night.) He's talking on his cell. He looks at me and holds up his index finger.

"It's just the pizza guy," he says and keeps talking.

I wait for a minute or two (or forever) and finally he comes to the door.

"Hey there, guy," he says. (I hate being called "guy.")

"That'll be $38, please."

"Uh, yeah, here."

He hands me exactly $38. I hand him the pizzas.

"Was there something wrong?" I ask.

"No. Why?"

"Because people usually tip..." I begin.

"Oh Have a day."

He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a dollar bill, flips it toward me and shuts the door.

I grab the dollar in midair and look at it.

"Thanks a fuckin' lot, pal," I say to no one.

I get in the car, still clutching the dollar.

What a slap in the face, what an asshole.

"Have a day"? What the fuck?

The weird thing is, this was the second man of the night who wore that exact outfit and tipped poorly. The other guy even said, "Have a day," as well.

What's up with these fuckers? Is there some kind of club where everybody dresses the same, tips badly, and says, "Have a day"?

I sure as shit hope not.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Army

We read this today in an AP article about what the Army is doing to increase the number of new recruits:

Make more use of what DuBois calls "lead refinements" — the use of computer technology to refine recruiters' leads on potential enlistees. Using mathematical formulas based in part on demographics, a recruiter can more easily prioritize his or her high-payoff leads and thus become more productive. Ten of the Army's 41 recruiting battalions now use this technology; the Army wants to double it to 20 or more.

Some people read that and find nothing weird. Others may read it become a bit scared. We are part of the latter group. Demographics? OK, it's not as if the Army doesn't target specific groups at the moment or throughout history, but the thought of them becoming more effective at this is a bit crazy.

Most people who are interested in Military service are interested in military service and might seek it out. It becomes a bit more touchy when the Army is out convincing people to join up. The formulas are aimed at finding out which groups are the easiest to convince. Easiest to convince does not necessarily translate well into such concepts as "a good thing" or "beneficial to the individual."

Saturday, October 01, 2005

libby's in our office

actually, libbies in our office remind us of this dog and the hydrant might represent the republican party. So after years of pissing on the repubs the libbies are now feasting on leaks...possibly provided by Scooter Libby.

Wow, that was pathetic.

Anyway...what kind of a person goes by the name Scooter after the age 14?