Try to Make You...Understand

what could possibly be more productive than an afternoon trolling the McSweeney's website?

Well, we could list those things that are more productive, but speaking of lists, McSweeney's has lists.

Here's a sample of some lists includiing elements of those lists.

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Five Things Rick Astley is Never Gonna Do

Give you up.

Let you down.

Run around.

Desert you.

Touch you inappropriately.

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Toddler T-shirt Slogans

ACCEPTABLE

Ask me about the C-section.

More of a tit man, thanks.

Still pissed about missing the millennium.

I buried my heart at Legoland.

Waiting for Godot.

Don't let Tony Danza touch me.

Stop the war. Already.

Stunt double for Katie Holmes's baby.


UNACCEPTABLE

Property of Child and Family Services

Glad those stairs were carpeted.

Slap me if you love Jesus.

Not quite getting this whole "MILF" phenomenon.

I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the horn spake: I beheld even till the beast was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to the burning flame.

Daddy didn't want me.

Ask me about the extra digit.

Grandma won't shut up.

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COMEBACK T-SHIRTS FOR "I'M WITH STUPID" T-SHIRTS


The "With" Is a Typo

Finger Actually Pointing to Person Next to Me

Your High Standards Set an Example for Us All

Only Because "I'm With Sexy" Cost More

If Not for That Shirt, He'd Never Read

And Clearly Proud of It

I'm Rubber, You're Glue, Everything You Say [CONTINUED ON BACK]

Just Until "I'm With Genius" Shirt Back From Dry Cleaner

I Lost the Bet

That Aren't True



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SEE MORE LISTS

Medium Rare

It's rare that we find ourselves motivated enough to post once a month, let alone twice in one day. But we couldn't resist informing our loyal readers about this story.

Headline: Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia

Excerpts:

A fierce group of raccoons has killed 10 cats, attacked a small dog and bitten at least one pet owner who had to get rabies shots, residents of Olympia say.
--snip--
"It's a new breed," said Tamara Keeton, who with Kari Hall started a raccoon watch after an emotional neighborhood meeting drew 40 people. "They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid."
--snip--
"We used to love the raccoons. They'd have their babies this time of year, and they were so cute. Even though we lived in the city, it was neat to have wildlife around," he said, "but this year, things changed. They went nuts."
--snip--
Brown said he had seen packs of raccoons this big but none so into killing.
"They are in command up there," he said.


We heard ABC bought the movie rights.
"Think raccoons are cute? This wednesday on ABC, watch them go nuts. Psycho Killer Raccoons, Wednesday, 7pm on ABC."

link to story

Alive