Let Down

We here at littleboxes have been let down again. Instead of accepting stock options we all accepted "flying cars" in our union contract. Damn it!

Flying Cars Still Years Away

tomato juice

Pizza, pasta, salad, and juice. So many uses for the Tomato.
Add Party to your list. The Tomatina tomato-throwing festival in Bunol, Spain is Spain's messiest summer party.


see picture

Babies

We are listening to the new Steve Earle album tonight at littleboxes. We all love the song "F the CC." Good stuff.

We are still on hiatus, so we'll wait a while for a longer post.

Road Trip!

We here at littleboxes are going to Grand Forks, ND tomorrow. How exciting!!
Today was a bloody day. One of our staff members suffered a wound to the head, but he looks to be OK. We're all trying to stay away from the news.
It's pretty pathetic that a Repbulican congressman can release a coherent statement agains the war but that John Kerry cannot. Apparently he is not a leader, but he is also, not George W. Bush.


Movie Night! Collateral was pretty good, we all enjoyed it, even those among us who don't really like Tom Cruise. Good stuff.

There is a plethora of Olympic Ass Shots going around on the web. Good lord. Everytime we turn around there is more ass!

More on inequality.

Hiatus

We here at littleboxes are on hiatus. We actually cleaned out over 20 refridgerators today. Boy was that fun.

We've also discovered a sign that says:

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrive sixth in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn.

Thank You.

-boxes!

Zimmy

We here at littleboxes love Bob Dylan. Check out this story in the NYT from the striving metropolis of Hibbing, MN.

LINK


"I'm from someplace called the Iron Range," he told an interviewer in 1972. "My brains and feelings have come from there."

McSweeney's

We here at littleboxes have a book club. Just last year we all read Dave Eggers's book "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius." Some of us liked, some of us found it way too self-absorded, etc. Anyway...as many know he all hooked up or started or whatever the whole McSweeney thing.

Some of us here at littleboxes shop at Whole Foods. This is just the all-natural grocery store type thing for those readers not in the know. Yes, people, there are some who don't have a Whole Foods in their towns just like there are people who live in places without a Starbucks! Get over it you over-priveleged, erudite, Kerry-voting people. Anyway...there is this other all natural place called "Trader Joes" which is cheaper, smaller and a bit less intimidating. This essay from McSweeney's is about all of the stuff. The essay, for your convenience, is displayed below in its entirety.


There's also this Ike Turner thing.



AN OPEN LETTER TO WHOLE FOODS SUPERMARKETS.


- - - -

Dearest Whole Foods supermarkets,

In retrospect, I feel like I knew how this would end before I even met you. I mean, seriously, your very name distinctly implies that other foods are somehow incomplete and inferior by comparison. I should have realized then how spoiled you were. Even before you started taking me on as your sugar daddy, you were already more spoiled than week-old pesticide-free arugula.

Of course, you wouldn't have gotten that bad if you tried adding just a few preservatives ... butylated hydroxytoluene comes to mind ... but not you. No, your apple-smoked turkey-artichoke sausages rot at both ends. You beat on, your Gorgonzola-stuffed endive boat battling against the current.

Which is why this just can't last. I mean, look at me. I clip coupons. I buy dress shirts at Ross. Ever buy a plastic bottle of vodka? I have. And I don't go pouring it into marinara sauce, or muddling it with fresh pomegranate and basil. I sip it. I sip it and I think about my student loans, my failing fantasy-league teams, my numerous and glaring faults.

And I guess that's why you'll never be alone; you do make whole, albeit fleetingly, the tortured life of the disaffected urban ex-rebel. Your herbal-supplements section, like your excuses, seem to offer a solution for everything. You offer me organic vegan unflavored gelatin, and I think, "Maybe that's what's been missing ..."

But mark my words—it will all come crashing down upon you, Whole Foods. Your oils, unguents, and tuna cans all say "cruelty-free," but you and I know just what sadistic depths you're capable of plumbing. The FDA may not have evaluated your statements, but I've had all the time in the world to do just that, and there's more hypocrisy in your promises than in a beef-flavored soy patty.

Even writing this, I feel, is a sign of the weakness I have for you—a passive-aggressive attempt to revive that spark I once felt when pensively regarding the heft and bearing of a $7 jar of peanut butter. You have stolen my youthful zest and replaced it with free-range-yak's-milk Wensleydale, which, as any yak will tell you, only goes so far.

But I'm moving on. There's a new man in my life, Whole Foods. You might know him; his name is Joe, and he's big in the trade industry. He and I will line my cupboard with a love stronger than your chelated nondairy nonanimal protein lozenges, deeper than the roast of your fair-trade mountain-grown shade-grown Ethiopian Yergacheffe, and bulkier than all of the bulgur wheat and buckwheat groats in your bulk-foods aisle.

It's been real, Whole Foods. But it's been anything but whole.

Zachary N. Howard
Cambridge, MA

He's Not Heavy, he's my brother

Dreyfuss on Kerry and the Iraq War:

Kerry’s failure to articulate a coherent policy on Iraq has now reached the status of a three-alarm fire. It seems almost unbelievable: On one hand, here’s a president who invaded a sovereign nation illegally, without the support of the United Nations or U.S. allies, lied about the reasons for the war, failed utterly to find WMD or terrorism ties in Baghdad, misjudged post-invasion Iraq so badly that it is still engaging in nearly full-scale war against the people of Iraq, and apparently has no plan at all about what to do.

And yet it’s Kerry on the defensive?

LINK


Also...new post by (zap) Patriotic

Questioning Kobe

Frank Hughes over at ESPN.com has a nice little bit on the Kobe trial in his latest article.
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I have a question: If Kobe Bryant had had sex with three different women in the days leading up to his encounter with his accuser in Colorado, would anybody even flinch?

In fact, HBO has made an entire series called "Entourage" -- which, by the way, is well worth viewing (if you are a guy, which I assume you are) -- based on the notion that four guys in Hollywood are attempting to get more tail than the Brothers Grimm.

Sleep with seven women in seven nights? Bravo. But if you are the woman accusing Kobe, and you happen to have a voracious sexual appetite, it's enough to make you think she is a criminal.

Another thing bothers me about the proceedings of the last few months: In a few years, when this trial clears up and everything is forgotten, somebody might want to check the bank account of the person who "accidentally" e-mailed the information to all the media outlets.

Oh, and since somebody in the office "accidentally" placed the name of the victim on a Web site, why is that person's name not included in all the news accounts? Shouldn't that person at least be held marginally accountable

We've Seen The Future

OK, someone has to got to write one of those distopia books incorporating this! We've seen the future and it ain't pretty.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Procrastinating monkeys were turned into workaholics using a gene treatment to block a key brain compound, U.S. researchers reported on Wednesday.
Blocking cells from receiving dopamine made the monkeys work harder at a task -- and they were better at it, too, the U.S. government researchers found.


The Story: In 2200, all "workers" receive gene treatments in the womb. These treatments ensure that the workers will act as voluntary slaves, they are unhappy doing anything but working. Corporations run the world and their leaders live a life of leisure based off the labor of the workers. Can one doctor start a revolution by manipulating these gene treatments or will he sentence himself and his family to death? Can the workers overcome their altered genes and regain their freedom?

Best Seller, dudes and dudettes!

LINK to Story

Style-lympics

Apparently, Andre 3000 has won the Stylelympics. We here at littleboxes actually had no idea that the Stylelympics were happening or that they were happenin'. If we only had known we are sure that Bruce over in accounting would have given Mr. 3000 a run for his money. Why are we always left out? Is it because of our lack of readership or is our lack of readership correlated with something else that is the causal factor? It probably has something to do with the lame writing style and lack of biting social criticism.

In other news, how in the hell does The Washington Times get the "Bin Laden Wants to Assasinate Someone Important" story? Wait, we know exactly how they got it. But is it true? We won't find out anytime soon since the Times seems to have an exclusive.

So Kobe's accuser wants some money. We can't blame her. However, we hope that she waits until after the criminal trial to take the Kobester to criminal court. Otherwise it starts to look like it's all about the money.

Inspired by Patriotic, we thought we'd write up a little guide on how to get more work done and procrastinate less. However, as is widely known, ordinary people didn't even have time for recreation and general leisure until well into the 19th century. So maybe we all should just count ourselves as lucky and just work as little as possible? Anyway...let's start the Unofficial Guide to Working More and Procrastinating Less.

Of course, maybe "procrastination" isn't the correct word. What if you really have absolutely nothing to do but you still are expected to work? Then you have to actually think of work to do. For most people this is a horrible experience and we highly recommend that one never sit around thinking about work they could do.

Anyway here it is the Unofficial Guide to Working More and Avoiding Work Less.

1. The most important thing to remember is

wait...we need some coffee.

Give Back the Keye(s) To My Heart

More from Alan (link)

In the same interview, he defended his belief that gay marriage is wrong, brushing aside a suggestion from an interviewer that sexual preference might be biologically determined.

"We as human beings cannot assert that our sexual desires cannot be controlled," Keyes said. He said such a claim would "consign us to the real of instinctual animal nature — and we are not there."


We here at littleboxes are headed back to the zoo. To go and see the homosexual giraffes (link IS WORK SAFE).

Purple Rain

"I never wanted to be your lover, I only wanted to be some kind of friend."

Is that what Alan Keyes said to Barack Obama before he delivered these comments?
------------------------------
The conservative former diplomat said Obama's vote against a bill that would have outlawed a form of late-term abortion denied unborn children of their equal rights. Both candidates — one an outspoken conservative and the other a favorite of party liberals — are black.

"I would still be picking cotton if the country's moral principles had not been shaped by the Declaration of Independence," Keyes said. He said Obama "has broken and rejected those principles — he has taken the slaveholder's position."

-----------------------------------------

Highly unlikely. It's clear why the Repubs picked Keyes now. He will probably be allowed to mention all sorts of obscene phrases and comments without the media paying too much attention...because he (they always say this) like Obama, is black.

Slaveholder's position? How aggresively offensive can one get? Good Lord.

By the way, we were wondering, does Alan Keyes still sound like a demented kermit the frog?

Comp Time is S-T-U-P-I-D

Hey there little buddy. I have a suggestion for you. You sure are a hard worker and we here at littleboxes really appreciate that. "Why, Thank You. I've always though of myself as..." Yes, Yes, we know. We've been thinking about a way to reward you for your hard work and we finally thought of something appropriate. We've decided to give you more options. "Stock options? But I don't have any to begin with..." No, no. We'd like to provide you with the option to replace overtime pay with flexible comp time. Isn't that exciting!? "Well, uh...exactly what do you mean by com--...?" Basically, we want to let you choose not to accept overtime pay in order to accept extra time off from work instead. For example, you could work 45 hours this week and not earn any overtime pay but then take 5 hours off next week. Keep in mind, you could always choose to receive overtime pay and we would never hold it against you. "I think I understand. What if..." Is that a tape recorder? "Uh, yeah but it's not turned on I just have it..." Let us see that. What's this red light? God damn it! Of all the...[tape stops]

transcript of employer--employee discussion here at littleboxes. Are you also confused about overtime pay vs. comp time?

READ THIS

Hate Week

We here at littleboxes love us some basketball. However, we do not love Rick Fox. The heartless among us (a pretty strong contingent) were delighted to see this in the news:
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NBA veteran Rick Fox has filed for divorce from singer-actress Vanessa Williams, a spokeswoman for Fox said on Tuesday.

No reason was given for the divorce.

----------------------------------------

We've decided not to list the innumerable reasons that we would divorce Rick Fox (paltry rebounding numbers aside). We do sincerly hope that all involved are able to move on with their lives and lead happy existences (expect, maybe, for Rick Fox).

O'Reilly is Insane

It's video night here at littleboxes. O'Reilly and Krugman are being shown on CNBC. We really can't tell if O'Reilly actually hates Krugman but he sure does act like it. wow! So much yelling! Impromptu littleboxes poll puts it at 7 to 2 for "O'Reilly actually hates Krugman" as opposed to "O'Reilly just putting on an act."

O'Reilly seems to come from another planet. In our world Krugman deals in facts and O'Reilly in a mixture of facts, fiction and whatever the hell he wants to say. He's just so out there. Yet there are many Americans who think he is their guardian of truth, their guide in the "No Spin Zone." That people actually believe that is just frickin' crazy.

But maybe WE ARE INSANE. Maybe others have it all figured out but we here at littleboxes are completely off our rockers, loopy, looney, nuts!

alright!

In other News...

Terrorist receives legal representation and trial in U.S. courts!

Everybody's Got Something To Hide

Except for Me and My Monkey!

We found this link via Atrios and found it, in the words of Martin Bashir, "very disturbing."

"The gay community has infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country, and they wield extreme power. ... That agenda is the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today. Why do you think we see the rationalization for abortion and multiple sexual partners? That's a gay agenda.'" - Tom Cobun, republican US Senate candidate from Oklahama, Oklahoma Gazette
Putting aside for a moment the possibility that Coburn was simply doing his best imitation of Hitler ranting about the Jews, take a good look at this man. He's the Republican Senate candidate from Oklahoma. He's also the man George W. Bush picked to head his presidential AIDS commission. Yes, this anti-gay nutjob was picked by our fearless leader to help decimate the government's attack on the AIDS epidemic.

(link)


The New York Times had a an article today about churches trying to get the vote out. Apparently opposition to abortion and gay marriage make George W. Bush a good christian. It also seems clear that according to the clergy featured in this article that opposing abortion and gay marriage are necessary and sufficient conditions for being a good christian. Once again proving that this country is no less crazy than many others.

What the ?

so this article from AP writer RON FOURNIER has at least one inaccuracy.
Maybe this isn't that important, but it is not the truth.

quote:
Addressing minority journalists in the nation's capital, Kerry was asked what he would have done as president the moment he received word of the attacks on the World Trade Center. Bush spent seven minutes reading "The Pet Goat" to Florida elementary school children after his chief of staff, Andrew Card, whispered, "America is under attack," as televisions cameras recorded the anxious scene.


As anyone who has seen FAHRENHEIT 9/11 can attest, Bush was not reading to the children. He just sat there in his own little world, possibly thinking, possibly listening...but not reading to the children. How hard is it to get your facts straight?

The Frighteners

We here at littleboxes are frightened. That's right, scared completely out of our wits. Terrified, petrified, mortified by the 9/11 commission. We started out thinking that the 9/11 folks produced an interesting report that, although not perfect, might serve some useful purpose. Sure, we had some complaints about not being aggressive enough against Dear Leader but we really didn't expect anything more/less from those cool cats on the commission.

However, we just read last night that the members of the 9/11 commission are looking for an up or down vote on some of their suggestions. We wanted to provide a link to this article but are no unable to find it online. Anyway...it's not that important. What is important is the frenzy to enact almost everything in the 9/11 commission report before really thinking about it. The same thing happened with the Patriot Act. Time is important when dealing with terrorists but there should be an honest and open public debate (stop laughing) about these issues.

But, good lord! The government is not going to do anything to protect us from terrorism unless the people demand it. Change always come from people not politicians. The civil rights act didn't suddenly occur to Congress and President Johnson. Lincoln didn't wake up one morning with the brilliant and innovative idea of freeing the slaves. Congress didn't legislate the 40 hour work week by consulting with each other. All of these things took enormous amounts of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears by ordinary americans to accomplish.

Yes, changing the way the U.S. is protected will take time but there are also really simple things that are just not being done because of lack of funds and personel. We shouldn't have less police on the street in NYC and our ports should be fully staffed with security personel.

Bottom line: When there are so many simple things that need to be done (i.e. remember the state trooper in Michael Moore's movie who patrols a stretch of the west coast all by himself) why does Congress need to spend so much time and energy arguing back and forth about who can install an intelligence czar more quickly?

Til I Gain Control Again

Once again Robert Dreyfuss slays the dragons of...
Ok, a bit too dramatic.
Take 2...
Robert Dreyfuss once agains hits the nail on the head as he...
Uh, no!
Take 3...
Check out what Robert Dreyfuss has to say about what Kerry should say about Bush's terror warnings instead of the I trust the president is honest line and the leaving it to Howard Dean stuff.
---------------------------------------
My guess, for what’s it worth, is that the public is fed up with these nonsensical terror alerts, and that the public would buy a nuanced statement from Kerry—a la Dean’s but with a caveat or two—suggesting that the president is playing politics. Here are the outlines: “Bush tried to find Osama bin Laden and failed, went into Afghanistan, and bungled it… Then he attacked Iraq and lied about the reasons why, meanwhile getting more terrorists mad at us and diverting resources from finding bin Laden… His intelligence on Al Qaeda is so bad that even four-year-old surveillance reports seem like news, but the Bush administration has no idea what Al Qaeda has been doing since 9/11… He is constantly scaring us with alarms, but the truth is he has no idea if or when Al Qaeda might attack us.. He lied about WMD, so why wouldn’t he lie about terrorism? The truth is, President Bush is afraid that Al Qaeda might hit us in the next three months, so he’s inoculating us against it, so voters don’t blame him, as they should, for failing to roll up Al Qaeda. For this, we should re-elect him?”

LINK

Horsepistol

We've spent nearly all morning at the hospital. One of our faithful staff members was completing her regularly scheduled (and regularly safe) duty of reading the New York Times Op-Ed page. How was she to know that the editors of the New York Times would actually write something that demonstrated the least bit a of backbone (albeit a bit late!)?

She was so shocked (who wouldn't be?) that she fell off of her chair and broke her tailbone. Folks, that is one painful energy and after cursing the NYT we were able to call an ambulance and get her to the hospital. Please keep her in your hearts and pray for her recovery.

We wanted to show you (our faithful reader(s)) the artile in its entirety, but, aftering some serious thought, we've decided that might be a bit too dangerous. Before you read this make sure you are sitting down, actually standing up might not be a bad idea, and please, remain calm! Remain calm! Remain Calm!
OK, here's just a bit of the article. See the rest at the NYT website.
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Some of the past terror alerts have seemed aimless and happened when the Bush administration would have benefited from a change in the political conversation. On Sunday, when the administration had grim and specific information to convey, Mr. Ridge did a real disservice to himself, his president and the public by giving what amounted to a campaign pitch for "the president's leadership in the war against terror.''

It's hard to write that off as an offhand comment. If Mr. Ridge is to continue in this role, he must stay out of the election; using him as a campaign surrogate would be disastrous for public confidence. The administration should also stop dropping dark hints about Al Qaeda's having election-related motives to attack, as if a vote against the current president were appeasement.

So Confused

We here at littleboxes are profoundly confused about the latest terror warnings. Good Lord! Could someone please clear this up? The warnings seem to be based in part on old information. Was this old information recently recovered (e.g. I found my sister's diary, but it only contains juicy tidbits of her long-dead third grade relationship with Mark from south 4th street)? Or old information recovered back when it was new (e.g. I found my sister's diary when she was in third grade and I'm reading it and telling you about it now)?

The media seems in no rush to really break this one down either. They must be pretty hesitant to really come out and say "this is all old." Now there are reports that some on the info was new and that the White House did not talk about this new intelligence in their initial press release. Good Lord! Why not? Seems much too convenient not to be some sort of scam.

We're gonna go get a drink.

"I think it's wrong and plain irresponsible to suggest that it was based on old information," Scott McClellan, the White House spokesman, said of the heightened warning.

Redistribution of Income

Apparently all those commercials about how Walmart helps communities aren't necessarily factually accurate. Walmart costs states tens of millions of dollars in the form of public assistance for their extremely low-paid employees. The question remains, would these workers be employed and off of public assistance if Walmart was not there and local stores satisfied local demand? We think yes!

"Just because you read it in a magazine or see it on the TV screen don't make it factual" -Michael Jackson

And you thought Michael Jackson couldn't teach you anything! Shame, shame.

W.M.D.

Fear is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Misinformation is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Greed is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Inaction is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
A Wicked Mind is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Racism is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
-The Faithless

Knee Deep in the Big Muddy

All the drinking has sapped our creativity here at littleboxes. We need a few days of sobriety in order to get things straightened out. Unfortunately, sobriety appears nowhere in our future plans. We've settled on pilfering great posts from other blogs.
Once again, Robert Dreyfuss has a mangificent post! Read on fellow travelers!

Robert Fisk, the brilliant reporter for The Independent , is clearly at the end of his tether, chronicling the lies from Baghdad and getting exasperated:
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Watching any Western television station in Baghdad these days is like tuning in to Planet Mars. Doesn’t Blair realize that Iraq is about to implode? Doesn’t Bush realize this? The American-appointed ‘government’ controls only parts of Baghdad—and even there its ministers and civil servants are car-bombed and assassinated. Baquba, Samara, Kut, Mahmoudiya, Hilla, Fallujah, Ramadi, all are outside government authority. Iyad Allawi, the ‘prime minister,’ is little more than mayor of Baghdad. ‘Some journalists,’ Blair announces, ‘almost want there to be a disaster in Iraq.’ He doesn’t get it. The disaster exists now.
---------

The American press has basically stopped covering Iraq. The utter collapse of the 1,000-person national convention, so secretive that its attendees, date and location couldn’t be mentioned, is now postponed indefinitely—a major, headline-style event that managed to get only passing coverage in the United States. Iraq is adrift. U.S. forces are helplessly pounding Fallujah, killing scores and accomplishing zero. The resistance, from secular nationalists to wild-eyed Islamic fanatics, is stronger than ever. The hooded fanatics and Islamic suicide bombers are kidnapping people, blowing up police stations and Christian churches at will. The secular militants and Baathists are continuing to kill U.S. soldiers and Marines at a steady pace.

I know what we have to do in Iraq,” Kerry lied to the DNC. He doesn’t have a clue. What he thinks he knows is how to kowtow to the so-called undecideds and swing voters and convince them that he has a plan. But he doesn’t, and I don’t think these confused, lost voters are going to buy it either. Kerry’s refusal to attack Bush over the war in Iraq is an unconscionable, unforgivable blunder.

link